Bart Simpson's Lines

The opening credits of The Simpsons shows Bart Simpson writing the same sentence over and over again on a chalkboard, reminiscent of the "write it 100 times" punishment, which establishes him as a troublemaker. The writers of the Simpsons are famous for changing the opening and closing credits, so that Bart writes a different sentence during the opening credits of each episode. Someone apparently went through the trouble of taping all the Simpsons, watching them all and writing down what Bart is writing on the board. These are the collected writings of the Simpsons from the chalkboard exercises that Bart writes during the opening credits. Even you're not a fan, you'll like these.

 I will not carve gods.
 I will not spank others.
 I will not aim for the head.
 I will not barf unless I'm sick
 I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
 I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.
 I will not conduct my own fire drills.
 Funny noises are not funny.
 I will not snap bras.
 I will not fake seizures.
 This punishment is not boring and pointless.
 My name is not Dr. Death.
 I will not defame New Orleans.
 I will not prescribe medication.
 I will not bury the new kid.
 I will not teach others to fly.
 I will not bring sheep to class.
 A burp is not an answer.
 Teacher is not a leper.
 Coffee is not for kids.
 I will not eat things for money.
 I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call.
 The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee.
 I will not call the principal "spud head".
 Goldfish don't bounce.
 Mud is not one of the 4 food groups.
 No one is interested in my underpants.
 I will not sell miracle cures.
 I will return the seeing-eye dog.
 I do not have diplomatic immunity.
 I will not charge admission to the bathroom.
 I will never win an emmy.
 The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.
 All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.
 I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause.
 I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.
 My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.
 I will not go near the kindergarten turtle.
 I am not deliciously saucy.
 Organ transplants are best left to professionals.
 I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.
 There are plenty of businesses like show business.
 Five days is not too long to wait for a gun.
 I will not waste chalk.
 I will not skateboard in the halls.
 Underwear should be worn on the inside.
 The Christmas Pageant does not stink.
 I will not torment the emotionally frail.

It's only fair to point out that this list was made quite a few years ago, and Bart has been busy in the meantime!

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